2019

As 2019 has come to an end I find myself reflecting on one of the most difficult years of my life. I feel as if I was many different versions of myself throughout the year. I’m most proud of who I am currently for so many reasons, how far I’ve come and how much I’ve worked through is incredible. I started this year off at possibly the lowest point in my entire life. I was experiencing an extremely deep, paralyzing depression while also suffocating from an overwhelming, omnipresent anxiety at the same time. I wasn’t taking my medicine properly nor was I taking care of myself. I was failing all my classes and isolating myself from friends and family while telling everyone I was doing really well. Every time my parents asked how my grades were, I lied and said they were good, I had the same response when my friends asked how I was doing. I was afraid to address the problems in my life, I was in fear of believing they were truly happening. I was living in denial, lying to everyone and myself about how bad things were, and putting up a wall to block everyone out. I was tired all the time and had no interest in doing things I usually enjoyed. My mental health became detrimental to my physical well being, especially when it came to eating; which I felt I didn’t need to do. The biggest thing that helped me out of this detrimental lifestyle was being brutally honest with myself and taking baby steps. It began with opening up to my therapist about everything and hearing myself talk about the problems I was experiencing. For the first time I realized how truly sad it was to live like this, it was so unhealthy. Over time, I quit all my negative habits and began to forgive myself for every single wrong choice I had made. I opened up to close family and friends, explaining why I haven’t been myself and apologizing if any of my actions or words had hurt them during my harder months. I worked extremely hard in school, achieving my first 4.0 GPA ever! I learned a lot of things about life and more importantly, myself. I never thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I did. I never thought I would get through those hard times, but I did. And if you’re going through something similar, you’ll get through it too, and come back stronger than ever before.

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